Sometimes, when I just focus on the moment, everything seems good, but other times, when I think about the future and where this is all going, I get really worried. I really like my job but it is tiring. I carry my work around with me in my head all day and so I don't ever feel I truly escape it. It wears you down after a while - worrying about the next class and if I'll find the ideas and energy, worrying about the money and how long I can keep it up, worrying about getting sick, worrying where it is all heading?
I know the pitfalls of a normal office job but at least it gives some sort of financial security and support. I've tried out for a few office jobs since arriving in Bristol. I've been somewhat reluctant at first, but both jobs that I managed to reach interview stage I actually wanted in the end and it was a bit of a blow not to secure them. Funnily enough the fortune teller said I would not be going back into Marketing, so I'm constantly testing that theory now!
Ah...I just want a bit of self-assurance. I would like to buy a new dress or something nice for myself but I just don't have the money for it right now - not even a charity shop purchase. If I can't even save for clothes how can I save for anything else? Even with my TEFL, how can I go abroad with it later if I can't scramble together the airfare?!
I'm just being a bit down today, it will pass...writing this now helps a bit because I realise I'm being silly. I'll end the post on a more upbeat note with Miss Hope Plant and her big growth spurt and a piece of art I put together the other night which I actually like for a change! Hope you are all happy and merry out there...maybe this is just a case of SAD or something and it will all blow over...xxx
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5 comments:
Oh no this post makes me sad! I don't like to think of the Curious Cat being all sad and stressed in Bristol, wandering the streets looking for bits of old fish in bins.
(I may have confused you with an actual curious cat there.)
Hope things start to turn a corner for you.
And I'm loving that artwork clever clogs.
Don't feel sad :(
It sounds like you're having a bit of a poo day. I hope it got better as the day has gone on.
You're right, there is no let up from teaching. There's always planning and you're always thinking about what happened yesterday and what you're going to plan for tomorrow or the next week. It's stressful and sometimes you feel like you're bashing your head against a brick wall. But I hope you're still enjoying it. I'm having a bit of a tough time with it at at the moment too. My class is really testing and all I feel like I do is behaviour manage. But I'd hate to go back to working in an office, sat on my bum all day.
Everything has good or bad days but you need to keep reminding yourself that you wanted to give this a go for a reason.
Take care. I hope you're feeling chirpier now and the picture is dead lovely! x
Sorry you are feeling unsettled. Your artwork is fun and bright and look... your plant is growing and reaching for the sun, just like you.
I hope things turn for the better for you soon, the weather isn't helping I know, but try and stay positive.
love and hugs to you
xxxx
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