The Ghost of Christmas Past

I'm finally back at my father's house after three festive days at my mother's. It is late and there is unpacking and organising to do but dad has gone straight to bed. He's not feeling to great as we were burning scented candles and completely forgot about his allergies. He only just picked up on the fact they were scented tonight - he had just assumed he was coming down with a cold. Poor dad.

My stomach feels way too full of food. As usual we ate too much and drank too much. I still don't really feel like I've had enough sleep either. It was a nice few days but I think I'm a bit Christmas-ed out. Despite all the effort everything felt a bit lacklustre this year -no doubt the absence of my brother didn't help. I also have this lecture that I have to do in February lurking at the back of my mind (stupid that I'm thinking about this already, I know) and I guess I'm just worried about what 2012 will bring in general.

But I was thinking about the past this Christmas....

It began as I looked at all the various Christmas photos on my laptop from over the years. I thought through the events of this year and I marvelled at how things can change so quickly. How so much can happen in one year. When I think of this 2012 suddenly doesn't seem so uncertain, I can look at it more positively because anything can happen.

I was also thinking about Facebook and some of the many 'friends' I have on there. I'm going to do my first proper 'cull' after I finish this post. I had refrained from doing it before because I reasoned that each person had touched my life at some point - however vague and it is was a nice reflection. However, the other day a good friend (my angel from the angel post) placed two bowls in front of me. She pointed to one and labelled it 'the past' and she pointed to the other and called it 'the future'. She looked at me and said:

'You have one leg in this bowl and one leg in the other - and whilst your leg remains in the past...you will never fully be prepared to accept the future and fully immerse yourself in it. You need to let go and plant both feet into the future.'

She was referring to an old relationship of mine specifically but this visual aid really struck home in me and I keep trying to remind myself of it now. I love nostalgia and there is a lot to be said about the past but as L P Hartley said 'The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.' I think she is right. I look back way too much. I'm in danger of turning into a pillar of salt.

How does this relate to Facebook? Well, I was thinking about all these old ties. Some of these people I will never see again and I'm sure they won't resent me if I let them go. I don't need to know that so-so's had a baby or thingys getting married. It is nice to see that people are living their lives and enjoying these moments, but for some, I will never go to their weddings or meet their children...they might as well be soap opera characters to me now. The problem with Facebook is that whilst it connects you, it also piles on the social pressure and it is a platform for gloating. I need to turn my gaze away from these past figures and look to the future...

Anyway...not the most eloquent post but hey ho! I'll provide some festive photos in the next one perhaps...Hope you all had a merry, festive Christmas? xxx