Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Staying Put and Building on a Foundation

In the last few years I have whizzed around the place. Right now I'm in Spain, last year I was in Bristol, before that Oxford, before that London, before that travelling, before that the South of France, then London...it just keeps going on and on as I look backwards. The last time I stayed in one place for longer than a year was when I was living in Colliers Wood in my little flat in London. I think I was there for just under 2 years...but in that time I still moved jobs!

Even if I stay in Spain for another year, I will have to come back to the UK to seek summer work. But...it is something, to at least try and anchor myself for a while.

I used to move around because I was seeking betterment. A better job, a better commuting distance, a better quality of life. I also moved to escape. Escape ex-boyfriends, escape the 9-5 commuter world, escape the fear of boredom and stagnation. I've been like a snake trapped in a boot, wriggling and squirming but much of the time I don't feel like I have made much progress.

This is a lie of course, I have made a lot of progress but I see others who have stayed put and developed just as much - more even - when I often thought the paths they had chosen were out of laziness, fear or defeatism. I'm sure fear has some part to play for us all - whether we move or sit still.  But I used to think:


'Why don't they push themselves and take more risks? How can they be happy with that job? There is so much more out there to try and do.'


and I'd mark myself out and pride myself on not settling and being different...

...but I don't think like this anymore. Too much choice and you can go mad. Sometimes it is wise to make a choice and stick with it. Sometimes it makes you happier this way.

Living in Tarragona isn't like the love affair I had with Bristol (ah I miss that place...), and Barcelona beckons seductively with its buzzing city ways, but I'm starting to settle and I'm starting to reason that staying still for a while might be a whole new adventure in itself. When I came back after Christmas I looked at the weeks ahead and on a blank calendar page they looked empty and lonely. Now I look back at the last 6 weeks ticked off and I realise how full they have been. I wrote an achievements list this morning to remind myself of all that I have done and experienced in that time. It is a long list.

Now the next 6 weeks look similar to those that once lay empty before, but I have more confidence now that they won't stay vacant for long.

Like many, I don't know where I am heading. Before I would plan a lot but now...well, I'm tired of planning so much. Life hasn't turned out how I expected it but maybe this is because I planned and wriggled too much like the snake in the boot and didn't just calm and quieten and go with the flow and see the signs as they slowly revealed themselves (the snake was so preoccupied with the thick walls of the boot it never looked up to see the opening overhead).

What do I know? All I know is what I have said...and that perhaps I will slow down a little and wait... xxx

P.S. Oh and wow - just been reading this over at Tiny Buddha and it seemed rather relevant (somewhat tenuously but still somewhat...). Really interesting ideas! Great article and it can be applied to ALOT.

1 comment:

sallyrose45 said...

Hey baby, how did we end up in such the same boat? Will it ever end? Shall we just shack up somewhere with a cat? I vote Bristol cuz as much as I love Spain, it would never be forever.

That's it. I'm off to Bristol. See ya! xxx